Sitcom Survival

You should never be a caricature; however, when you find yourself in an uncomfortable social situation with strangers or acquaintances you can be a sitcom.

For some, it takes years of courage-building and self-discovery to be comfortable being their entire self in front of people they hardly know. If this sounds like you, you should know there are a few options open to you.

You can panic.

That’s fine except it makes you the weirdo. From then on people will always wonder if you went crazy and shot up a mall.

You can try to be yourself.

This is great but if you are anything like me you will lose confidence halfway through and end up making jokes that don’t quite make sense or are so boring people stop listening.

Or you can be the favorite.

Be a sitcom.

People love sitcoms.

People want to think their life is like a sitcom. People over complicate their lives for the sake of the plot. People don’t realize that the other people around them are real humans and not just side characters that don’t get sad when you throw a sarcastic quip their way.

To be a sitcom is easy. You have an inherent knowledge deep down inside you that will spark and you will flow naturally into your chosen character.

The first thing to do is perceive who is missing in the group. The sassy one. The dumb one. The crude one. The sweet one. Who is missing?

If there is no one missing just play to your strengths. Take in the atmosphere and grasp the character that calls to you.

Second, there is no sarcastic one. Everyone in a sitcom is sarcastic. There is a misconception that Chandler was the sarcastic one from “Friends.” If you watch that show in one-week long sitting you will notice that the writers just wrote down a bunch of sarcastic jokes then threw them in the air for anyone to grab. Don’t make the mistake of being the sarcastic one because you will just look like a jerk. The sarcasm suited to your chosen character will come naturally. Don’t force it.

The third rule is to be fun-loving. Characters in sitcoms don’t get alienated. Everyone has an important role to play and you have to pay attention to their presence and include everyone. Even if you are being the grumpy one. Remember, a sitcom is not complicated. All characters are shallow and bend to the will of the audience.

The fourth rule is to never listen and never sympathize. When someone else is speaking you should wait patiently for sound to cease coming from their mouth then quickly chip in with a quirky remark that will make everyone laugh. If someone says something serious find a way to transition back to a joke.

The fifth and most important rule: never ever date someone who thinks you are a sitcom. Being a sitcom practically guarantees that someone in the group will fall in love with you. They have built up an idea of their ideal type which is subconsciously based on one or two sitcom characters. They’ll think they found this in you. They are wrong and you don’t want to be around when they figure it out. Nor do you want to drag them through some kind of love fantasy you know you can’t fulfill.

If you keep this all up and follow all the rules then you’ll be able to look back on your life and realize you did it all wrong. You should have just been yourself.